Do You Love Something Enough to Walk Away from It?

          Greetings readers.  I have been doing some serious thinking lately and not entirely the gook kind either.  I recently had a bit of a nervous breakdown when considering my finances.  The short version is that it has been incredibly stressful knowing that literally every cent I spend, every sandwhich, every coffee, every candy bar, is putting me deeper in debt.  For this reason I have decided to indefinitely discontinue my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training.  The primary reason is that I feel like my gym dues and commuting expenses could be better spent elsewhere.
          Now, this may seem like a trivial trade to some, but allow me to elaborate why this was posted here and not in my Diet / Fitness / Training blog.  Anyone who is seriously involved in Jiu Jitsu knows that it is not just a sport, it is a way of life.  As cliche' as that may sound it is true.  When you spend two hours a day, three to six days per week, virtually every week of the year, for years on end doing something it is no longer recreation.  It is a part of you.  Think in terms of hours.  If you were training an average of ten hours per week that means that you are spending 25% as much time doing something fun as you are making your living.  On average you probably work 8 hours per day, train for 2 hours a day, and sleep for 6-8 hours per day.  What I am getting at here is that there comes a point where you become so deeply ingrained in a recreational activity (sport or otherwise) that is simply part of your way of life, it is what you are.
          Hopefully that helps to illustrate why this was such a difficult decision.  There were, initially, the financial concerns.  Even if I obtain a part time job while in Graduate School, I can not just jump back into training because I need to maintain the maturity and foresight to save funds for future years of schooling and the debt that I am accumulating now.  I am perfectly accepting of the need to take out student loans to pay for essential expenses such as tuition, rent, and groceries.  However, flexible expenses like recreation and gasoline can be modified.  I believe that it is in my best financial interest to discontinue my training even though I (since beginning the draft of this post) have received a part-time job offer.  Rest assured that this will not be the end of my Jiu Jitsu career, only an extended break, a temporary leave of absence.  The decision was made a little easier after talking to some old training partners from home.  We came to the conclusion that A) I have been doing BJJ long enough where I "get it" and while time will rust my timing and technique, the concepts and muscle memory will stick around for a long time; it will not take too long for me to " get back in the swing of things" once I resume training; B) It is not like I will just be sitting on my butt during this intermission; I will still be watching BJJ video and drilling techniques in my head, its is (after all) an integral part of who I am; C) The best remedy is to take the now displaced passion that I have for BJJ and channel it towards my other methods of training, Rock Climbing for example.

          One of my trainers once told me, when we were discussing the possibility of me not being able to continue training while I was in school, "There are more important things than fighting, you just happen to be good at it."  Ironically, this discussion took place months before I had even started graduate school.  Now, this is where such a post gets placed in this blog.  One of the most disconcerting aspects of this situation has been the relationships I have with the people I interact with on a regular basis.  When we move somewhere new there is a transition period where we will inevitably (for better or worse) be comparing everything in our new world to the correlating aspects of our old one.  I have found my relationships here to be lacking.  The irony of the classroom in graduate school is that while I have made many friends, "good" or "close" friends are extremely sparse.  This is consequence of the situation.  I simply just do not see my colleagues outside of the classroom.  Thus our relationship is terminal, temporary, and limited.  This can also be attributed to my new training partners.  They did not do anything wrong, their environment was friendly and comfortable, but due our limited interaction outside of training, the relationship lacked the familial bond that I had had with my previous training partners.

          THE FUTURE IS NOW - The best solution I can find to this predicament is two fold.  First, make a decision.  I feel much better now that I have made the decision to stop training.  The reality of the matter was that sitting in my apartment debating the options to myself was only deepening the wound.  Do something!  I'd like to think I'm pretty in touch with both my body and mind and my gut instinct are usually the best option.  The second step involves taking the passion that I had for BJJ, that now void in my life, and fill it with something.... anything.  No, it will not be the same as it was before, but the goal is to funnel that displaced passion towards something new, something that is all together different from that which you were previously comparing.  All the intangibles and mindset approaches to the new things are still the same, they are coming from you.  All that has really changed are the names and faces.
          There should be no doubt in any of my readers' minds that I love BJJ.  This is where the philosophical and moral thinking comes into play.  Is there something that you love so intensely that you muster the courage to say to that thing, "I love you, but I have to leave you... but I'll be back for you.  I don't know when, but I will...someday."  Just a little food for thought.  I have made the decision for myself.  Perhaps there is something you are struggling with and need to ask yourself similar questions.


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